The last few months have been among the best and the hardest in my life. I've submitted books, run through edits, had to dig deep and dig hard to pour my emotions out on the page. Some days that's easier than others.
Sometimes, we get so used to someone else needing us, that we forget what it's like when they don't. I woke up this morning knowing I have a full manuscript worth of edits due tomorrow night. I've been struggling with some because I kept going back to where the story started, that moment of critical mass, but why that moment? Why not the others?
Because some days are harder than others and that day was hard for both of my characters. But until I tried to write before that moment, I didn't realize just how hard. The day this manuscript starts is a day when the whole world is depending on these two individuals and they don't even realize it. The world pivots on this singular moment, it changes everything. But the ripples of that change aren't truly comprehended until the last page.
Our lives are like that too, we push forward, we push hard. We drink coffee to keep going. We keep our eyes on the prize. We dig deep. We dig hard.
We don't give up.
So what is the point of this post? I put out a great book this week. I don't always think of my books as great, in fact, I'm probably one of my own worst critics wondering why people even read my books. But Brave Are the Lonely is one of the best books that I've ever written because at the heart of that story is the simple truth:
Some days are harder than others. Those days that are so hard that it's everything we can do just to push through, just to survive, they prepare us for everything except those days when we don't have to push. When we're standing there and we're dealing with the post-trauma, the post-triumph, the post-completion and we wonder, what the hell are we supposed to do today?
This morning, I woke up and realized that I wasn't all that sure, because I have been pushing and pushing and pushing and I don't have to push today. I don't have to.
But I am going to anyway.
I am going to push myself harder to write better, to dig deeper and to keep telling my stories, because I want to. I'm going to push myself to be a better parent, to stay on top of all those things - even the boring ones - because I want to. I'm going to be a better friend, to keep reaching out and being there for those who need me, because I want to.
And tomorrow, tomorrow won't be so hard, but it will demand that I keep pushing. Because life isn't supposed to be easy. When it's easy we get complacent, we make mistakes, we let go when we should have held on and we forget how to fight. For six months I've been a bulwark for someone learning how to fight for themselves again, fighting to be their port in the storm their rock...and today, they don't need me.
Not like they did. I am tremendously proud of that accomplishment, proud and happy for them. It's hard to be there for someone and it can be harder to not be there. Because dammit, some days are just harder than others. This was a two Starbuck's day after I did 12 mile run on the bike and my legs feel like jello and my pulse is racing.
Some days are harder than others and that's okay. Because I wrote a damn good book and I'm working on one now that will be even better. Because it's harder and it demands more.
In the meanwhile, head over to Deborah Blake's blog, she's giving away an opportunity to take a free witchcraft or writing class that we are offering this year. Yep, you heard me, free.
So -- how are you today?